EMPTY CHAIR

I’m embarrassed. I was a smoker. I was an oncology nurse, and still I smoked for 37 years. Even worse, I had patients who were young women in their 40’s with lung cancer. But none of them had ever smoked or even been around second-hand smoke. I rationalized and still I smoked. I was young and invincible. It wouldn’t happen to me. I smoked with my children in my car. I smoked with my kids in my house. I quit every time I was pregnant and went back. I quit for two years and went back. “Could I bum just one,” when out with friends. That worked so well I bummed two the next time. Then I was too embarrassed to ask again, so I bought a pack. Always going to quit. I was always trying to quit. But not really. I tried the patches, then worked all day until happy hour when I ripped it off and lit up. I tried the gum, the lozenges and even the prescription pills. But still I smoked. I even watched my dad and grandad die horrible deaths from smoking. What would it take? I smelled like smoke. My clothes reeked of smoke. My mouth tasted and smelled like an ashtray. My car, my new car I worked so hard for smelled like a bar. But I loved my best friend.

Then I held my new granddaughter, my first grandchild, for the first time. She looked up into my eyes as I held her close and gave her the bottle. Her eyes never left mine. Trust. I watched her start to grow little by little and started to imagine the wonderful things she had to look forward to in her life. Fun, happy times like her first day at school, dance recitals, soccer games and holidays. I could see her high school graduation and even her beautiful wedding, but instead of me sitting there beside my husband there was an empty chair. My chair, where I was supposed to be sitting. Or even worse, there was another woman in that chair.

It was then that I realized that cigarettes were not my best friend. They were my enemy. They were the devil. They owned me and were killing me. They were going to take me away from the joy of being part of my grandkids lives. And I was allowing them to do it. I was putting them ahead of my family. They were winning. I didn’t want to smell like smoke around my grandkids. I didn’t want them to see me smoking or be a bad example. I did want to be the woman who was supposed to be in that empty chair.

It was then that I really QUIT smoking. I had never actually QUIT before. It was only temporary. When I finally decided to QUIT, I did. People tell me all of the time, “I’ve quit smoking several times.” I tell them they’re wrong, if they had quit, they wouldn’t be smoking that cigarette right now. I owe my kids an apology for all the years I subjected them to my bad habit. It took me a long time, but I gave them, my grandkids and myself one of the greatest gifts when I really quit. I hope this will help you or someone you love do the same.

Here are some facts and tips. Call it a crash course when you seriously WANT to STOP smoking and make the decision. Nobody can make you do it. YOU have to want it. YOU have to want it badly! This is my Tough Love Steps To Stop Smoking from a smoker of 37 years. The only ones who don’t succeed are those who give up. It works. I did it. You can to.

TOUGH LOVE STEPS TO STOP SMOKING

YOU have to want it. You can’t do it for anyone else. Look at yourself hard in the mirror. See yourself. Study yourself. Then have a heart to heart talk with yourself about what you’ve done to your body with cigarettes. Ask yourself, who’s in charge here? Then take charge.
Regardless of when you decide to quit, you are going to have a 3-4-week hurdle to get over while you’re craving nicotine AND breaking old habits. The fifth day is the toughest when the last of the nicotine is leaving your body. But the sooner you do it, the sooner you get it behind you and move on. Knowing what to expect helps. You only have to get through it once. Do it now and get it over with. Why do anymore damage to your body.
Pick up your pack of cigarettes and talk to them. Tell them you are stronger than they are, and you are going to win! Tell them they are not your friend. Throw them away and take out the trash. DO NOT KEEP ANY “JUST IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” PACKS.
You do not need a crutch. You do not need gum, patches, lozenges or pills. They do not work. They keep feeding your body nicotine. Toughen up and get it behind you once and for all. You are stronger than them. See yourself as a nonsmoker!
Tell yourself that you will not use quitting as a reason to gain weight, or take up other bad habits. You are stronger than that. You don’t need a crutch.
Do not allow the normal triggers that make you want to smoke win. You are stronger that that! One of the worst is alcohol. If you enjoy drinking alcohol, then give yourself an ultimatum. If you have to smoke when you drink, you can’t drink!
When you crave a cigarette, say to yourself “I’m not a smoker. Why would I want a cigarette?” And mean it. Then get busy. Get that mindset and feel fresh and clean. Make note of the positive changes and how much better you feel when you wake up, and how much better everything around you smells.
Start exercising. Take walks or go to the gym. After a good work-out or power-walk you won’t want a cigarette.
Put the money you would have spent on cigarettes in a jar. Set a goal for what you’re going to use that money for. Maybe an outing with your grandkids.
Keep a picture of your grandkids along with the picture of this empty chair handy as a reminder of why you quit. Because you did quit, and quitting is forever.